Paris/Qigong

Hi guys!

I had an amazing time in Paris, just one night by myself, and I really enjoyed it! I went to the Louvre, which I've never been to before, and although I've heard so much about it, it just blew me away! So much art under one roof, and a beautiful roof at that! I went to a jazz club as well, and I went to our favourite shopping centre to get food to bring home. It was great.

I have tai chi/qi gong tonight, another one of my ways to be healthy, body and mind. I heard a story on the Pat Kenny show recently, about a young lady who got ovarian cancer (I didn’t mean to talk about cancer, I never really think about it these days, but I suppose the drugs triggered me!) and she had 2 young kids I think, and she did qi gong, and ate healthily etc, did all the "right things" and the chemo didn’t work, the second lot she tried didn’t work, and neither did the third I think, so she died after maybe a year or 2. I heard the story, and thought, "oh that’s shit" but then forgot about it. And I happened to have my class that evening, and when I went, we did a kind of standing meditation. Well it’s a 2 hour class so you get a lot of time to think. And during the meditation, this feeling of, "oh what’s the point" came into my head. If this lady did qi gong, and ate better, and it didn’t save her then it’s all a pile of bullshit.

The first thing that I thought was great was that the class made me realise that I had been affected by the radio program, even though I hadn’t thought so at the time. And that I had been carrying that little bit of "oh what’s the point" with me all day long without realising it. And I started to feel really sad, standing in the class, moving to different positions, and I had tears in my eyes. I felt doomed.

Then as the time passed, and we were standing still, imagining ourselves on a mountaintop, I realised that I was enjoying it immensely. The movements look simple but they require you to concentrate on your body. So, following the teacher, and having nothing else to do, no place to go, or thing to prepare for, I realised that the reason that I do qi gong, or that I want to be doing it, is not to "be cured" or to live forever, but for the simple reason that doing it brings me joy. In the very moment, not later when I go home, although I may feel more relaxed, but the joy is in the action. It’s the same with eating healthily. I know it has long term benefits, but the main reason to do it is not only for the long term, but for the short term - so you wont feel bloated, or tired, so you wont feel guilty, or look in the mirror and be disgusted with what you see... so that you are full of energy to enjoy the moment, the present. And to be proud of taking care of your body as it’s the only one you've got.

So I felt much better after the class, recognising and dealing with a little bit of doubt that had been implanted in my head without my knowledge, and seeing the real purpose for all that I do to be healthy. I know that none of us will live forever, and although I would love to be as lucky to live as long as the normal population, I feel comforted by the fact that unlike many people who are on this planet, I am truly lucky enough to really be living in this life, not spending my day tired, or in a bad mood, unfulfilled or unloved. I do try to feel as good as I can everyday, and learn, see and do as much as is possible in the hours of the day.

I heard Stephen Hawking said that he was unlucky enough to get motor neuron disease, but lucky in everything else. And I must listen to my friend Agnes's advice, and stop listening to morning radio, its depressing! She sent me some lively music to play instead.

That being said, I prefer meditating by myself. And I don't feel worried now about not doing it, as I might have been worried before - as if to say - if I don’t do it I'll get sick again. But I think it’s about finding a way to watch the thoughts that are running through your head, and to acknowledge them, and to sometimes decide that you don’t want them in your life. And for me I get that in meditation.

Hope you are all enjoying your days,

Lots of love
Ell xx