Ellens simplistic version of cancer=ireland in a recessopm

I had a wonderful conversation with a taxi driver in Dublin recently, as you do, on the state of our country. I was asking him how the mindset is in Dublin, not living there myself, and how the doom and gloom is affecting people.

During the course of our conversation, it hit me how much a recession is like that awful period in between getting diagnosed with a life threatening illness, and making a decision on a treatment plan, from my own experience.

Previously, I couldn't see why we were so stuck in a rut. Why we couldn't just seem to pick ourselves up, dust ourselves off, and get moving, get positive, get to changing things for the better. Now I think I know why...

I know there are companies, and organisations, and people in Ireland who are all attempting to protect themselves from the infectious state of our negative media and their ever darkening pessimism; to keep on trying, keep on pushing, keep on working towards an eventual solution. But as for the majority...

After my enlightening conversation, I think the solution is clear:

Cancer: You think you are fine, healthy, but you find a lump.
Doctor tells you it's nothing.
You want to believe everything's ok. You are not sick.

Country: Rumours circle that something is wrong, people ignore it.
Keep on buying houses, keep on building houses...
Everyone wants to believe everything's ok. The crisis is not a crisis.

Cancer: Lump gets bigger.
You get it checked out again, it doesn't look good -
Panic sets in - how big is the problem?
Must get some tests...

Country: More people start saying that the world is going to end...
Banks buckle under the pressure.
Can't hide it anymore - how big is this problem?
The country gets some tests...

Cancer: You are told, it's in your breast, you have to get it removed, but once that's done, you'll most likely be fine.
Personal sacrifice = solution.

Country: The banks are screwed, but they just need x amount of a bailout, and that should solve it.
Little bit of tax payers money being wasted = solution.

Cancer: So you have the operation - and you feel good, tests show everything's fine.
But you have suspicions... you start to feel more lumps around your neck - that's not good.
You head back to the doctor - get more tests.

Country: So banks are bailed out - everything is good..
But then the banks seem to need more money, looks like the financial problems of the country won't be solved with a quick fix.
Need to investigate more.

Cancer: They find, low and behold, a whole cancerous system in your chest that is inoperable.

Shit.

Prognosis:
Doomed.

Possible solutions?:
Chemotherapy = losing hair, losing weight, puking, low immune system, low energy = suffering
Radiation = long term damage, potential secondary cancers caused, sore skin, everyday treatment = suffering
Or both.

Will it be enough? Probably not- you'll probably need more, and more and more.

Action plan: Check it on the internet, read all sorts of opinions, educate myself on the disease.

Results?:
Determine the doctor's decisions to be wrong - they should have checked my neck first, they should have done the scan first, the first doctor should have noticed it, they say too much chemotherapy, they say too little chemotherapy...

How I felt?:
Fearful, panic stricken, helpless, out of control.

Country: You know the deal.

Prognosis:
Doomed.

Possible solutions?:
Cut backs = less money, fewer jobs, more poverty, less services, more sadness = whole population will suffer
Higher Taxes = less money, fewer jobs, more poverty, less services, more sadness = whole population will suffer
Will it be enough? Who knows?

Action plan: Check it on the internet, what happened in the past, educate ourselves on the country's finances... we are all experts.

Results?:
We determine the politician's decisions to be wrong - they should have blah blah blah...

How we feel?:
Collectively:
Fearful, panic stricken, helpless, out of control.

So here we are - stuck in that awful moment between diagnosis and action plan.

What do we do? What's the best route to take? What if we make the wrong decision? What if it just keeps getting worse? Will it spread? Will I lose my job too? Will my lungs be affected as well? My liver? If we wait too long to treat, will it get worse? Who can help us?

With cancer, it's glorious to be able to put big decisions in the hands of your doctor - someone who knows better - that you can trust to try his/her best, so you can concentrate on making your life the best it can be under the circumstances.

With our country, we need someone to step up and say they are the "doctor", and that they will try to fix us. That we can put our trust in them.

With an action plan in place, even if it consists of a long path of suffering in order to attain ultimate release, it's a blessing, because then we can start the process of pulling together, working together and getting on with it. It would be nice to be finally doing something to get better. Sitting and waiting and panicking in fear is shit.

Out of all pain comes growth, and learning and huge change, change for the better, change for the smarter, and change that impacts the long term, that inevitably makes life much much better for all of us.

But with no such doctor figure, we all seem to be in limbo, waiting for someone to take action. I can handle suffering if I know it's for an eventual solution, but waiting in fear and panic is worse than any chemotherapy. So could our politicians please do something, to try to regain our trust and to give us an action plan please?!

Jack of all trades or master of one?

I am reminded of a post I wrote about mutantspace.ie, where you can donate a few hours of your time per week in what you are good at, to get other resources in return, and I was faced with the question : "What am I good at?".

With the recession kicking, I refuse to indulge in its negative connotations, however it does bring up the question in all of our minds - that if someone has lost their job, or their company, that was developed through years of struggle, on the way to earning expert status in a particular field, do they have to fuckinhg start at the bottom again?

I bet they are left wondering: "What am I good at?" or more likely: "What will someone pay me to do?" How depressing to find yourself at the bottom of the heap again, at the back of the race.

I'm still no further down this personal line of inquiry, and the impatience is making me weary, the frustration of having to wait, and work, and be determined, and be passionate, and do what I love is wearing me down. I am impatient to be an expert. Especially since what I am working towards being an expert at seems to alter daily, and then I'm constantly back at square one - 10,000 hours (according to Malcolm Gladwell) from expert status.

It's all envy, envy of people who are Tai chi teachers and can hold tai chi classes on Kilkee beach (Tues & Thurs at 10a.m - 12 if you're interested); envious of people who have meditated for years on end, and have reached clarity of mind, envious of those who have published books and have a smooth stream of income, envious of people who are successful chefs, or entrepreneurs, even those people who have a large following on twitter, I envy.

Perhaps it's the stage I am at in life, that stage where it seems like everyone around me is an expert. That or I'm just having a bad week.



It feels like I'm always playing catch up, and I'm not the only one - there are short cuts advertised everywhere for mugs like us - Bill Harris of Holosync claims you can reach the mental level of a person who has meditated for 20 years in only a few months; slow starters to twitter are tempted to cut corners by following links the promise: "Get 400 followers on twitter here". Why are we always trying to catch up on those random few who managed to invest their time in a noble cause right from the start, or so it seems, and now the "gap" between them and us just widens into an expanse so great that we dare not begin the journey because we know who has already won the race.

It doesn't help that we are running events that surround experts - these illusive people who we pay to see, to hear their story of how they did it - how they managed to get through the frustration and emerge, triumphant.

But is there a day when you turn around and say, "Now, I'm officially an expert"? Or is there always someone ahead of you?

I think most of us pay to see these experts to be inspired, to keep our heads above water, and to be reminded that it is possible, but it takes time. However there is a tiny part of our brains that listens to the expert's life story with a hint of delirium, we perk up our ears, gullible and hopeful fools, waiting for that one expert to turn around and say - you know, it wasn't a lot of hard work and persistence, it wasn't 10 years of working nonstop with determination, and drive, and consistency and never giving up. I just woke up one day, and I had made it.

But why does our society reward people who are masters in the first place? Instead of a jack of all trades? Why do we revere people who are at the top of a single tree of expertise, in the middle of a forest of knowledge?

What I listen for now, hopeful, gullible Ellen is for the expert to say, "I liked lots of different things, and it turns out, I was rewarded for never choosing only one or two. Now a lot of people pay me just to be me."

I don't want to be a master of just one area. I think the world has so much more to offer than sticking your head in one particular topic and following it for a lifetime. It's easier, (is it?) to just be a Biomedical Engineer for instance, and work your way to the top... but when you're at the top, what then? With the world opening up, and knowledge so readily available, it becomes almost absurd to concentrate all your energy on just one theme.

So instead of trying to follow the common rules of society which state that you need to be a master of one thing, how boring is that! I am going to buck the curve, (to make myself feel better) and open up to the possibility of the alternative which is being interested in, and average at, a lot of things. I am now officially a master at not being a master. So hands up who'll pay me for that? ;)

Why do we like the things we like?

Why do I think horse riding is dull, and surfing is cool? Why do I alert my eyes from anything remotely related to politics in the newspapers, or change the radio station when a song I don't like comes on? I would say change the channel on television as well, but we don't have tv, so that saves me the effort of wondering. Why do we stick to the things we like, and avoid the things we dislike? Is that a stupid question? It seems silly when I read back over it - of course we would avoid the things we dislike - why would we purchase a dress that makes us look like a badly drawn avatar, or biscuits that taste like rotten tomatoes, if we could picture our dressed up selves on the cover of magazines and delight our tastebuds with tongue tingling, chocolate coated cookies? It's obvious, isn't it?

But what about with activities, or jobs? What makes us dislike.... ummm.... programming for instance, and love.... writing? No personal opinions being voiced here, she says, clearing her throat.

I walked into an event related with film making in the Belltable recently, with Clare Creely of FilmBase. She was discussing the various programs that are available for aspiring film makers to find funds for their fantasy film - RTE competitions, Irish Film Board etc. She was explaining all the intricacies of getting funding, how you first need to have your film screened at one of the multitude of film festivals that showcase filmmakers work. This is a film that you manage to make with... what money? I wondered. I thought it was hard for writers - sure everyone wants to be a writer these days, or is a writer should I say, with blogs and twitter posts coming out of people's nostrils, but film making, now that brought me to a whole new level of respect for what these aspiring artists have to go through in order to become seen and be successful. Because unlike blogging, and wiling away the hours in your parents garage on the dole writing endless reams of chapters for potential publication, making a film requires other people, and equipment which ain't cheap. You need actors, and a director and a production crew, and a camera man, and.... low and behold, it all started to sound tremendously exciting this filmmaking lark. Knowing only how to rent a film, download a film, which I would never do by the way, purchase a film and watch a film, this was all news to me. That it can take over a year to produce a single short film, shocking! That you are competing with hundreds of other entrants to competitions for a shot at pennies to help you pay for the equipment, how unfair! That you are inevitably on a long, dreary, depressingly distant road to success, fighting off your fellow believers for the pot of gold at the end of the journey with only a shabby second-hand camera that someone was kind enough to leave you when they renounced the calling, that you can't use as a weapon until you win a prize at an overcrowded competition that will perhaps, when you are 55, generously reward you with enough cash for a new one.

As difficult as it all sounded, she then proceeded to show us some successful short films made by Irish film makers, and I realised - it's possible. It sounds pretty impossible, but people have gotten funding, people are making films, and although the funding has decreased, and the people entering the field are increasing, which means it will get even more difficult I would imagine... the fact remains that there are people who get through that Dip as Seth Godin would call it, and find their pot of gold, which is not so illusive after all. Now why anyone would want to torture themselves by wanting to be a filmmaker in the first place when they can get a job after university that actually pays real money, that you can exchange for those delicious cookies we talked about earlier, is probably as baffling as why anyone would want to put themselves up against the multitude of writers out there, or the multitude of websites, again, no personal opinions here...

Sometimes I wonder who are worse off - the people who want to be film makers, and who are passionate about it, or those who don't know what they want to be, and spend a lifetime trying to figure it out.

So why did I know nothing about film making, and never even give it a second thought? It's not that I even thought it was boring, I didn't feel anything about it, I didn't even know it existed, she says, an avid film watcher not knowing that there is an industry called film making.

I watch those credits after films and I am just baffled at the amount of people required to create a film, and not only that, the organisation of all of those people... wow. It's as though all I could see was gigantic, established organisations that put films on discs in some technologically advanced factory somewhere; they get shipped out by DHL in slim space saving boxes, with pretty pictures, and I promptly pay money to rent them, or buy them, and eventually watch them. Someone makes a lot of money, and they entertain a lot of people. Done. Or did. Now I know more... enough to know that I officially like film making, even though I don't do film making...



Which brings me back to wondering why we like the things that we like; and not the things that we don't? I want to find out more about these worlds that exist without me even registering their existence, the things I don't even know enough about to like, or dislike, but how do you learn about something that you can't see? Wandering into events not targeted at me seems to be a good place to start - and anyone thinking of doing just that, can come along to our event with Stuart Kershaw in Dublin on July 18th - had to get a plug in there somewhere! If you don't know anything about film making, or adventure sports, and don't know why you don't like or dislike them, come along, you might find you like something.

Self Esteem

Does it really benefit you to have unyielding belief in yourself? Obviously if you feel good about yourself, your quality of life must be pretty high. But in terms of success... I would have thought that the higher your self esteem, the higher your achievement in life. That if you believe indiscriminately in your ability to do something, then that will lead you to go out and achieve it, where a person with less self esteem would falter, and be too unsure of themselves to take the next step.

In an article by Jonah Lehrer today, Self Esteem, it turns out that the better you feel about yourself does not translate directly into actual academic achievement:

"Self-esteem has gone up in the United States; achievement has not. If anything, compared with other countries, we have done worse, but our kids feel really good about themselves on average."

Now academic achievement and achievement in life are two very different things, and how do you even define achievement in life these days - everyone has different measures for success - but it will be interesting to see where these kids they are following end up in life.

It's quite a liberating discovery if in fact self esteem is not critical to success. It's painful to constantly question your own abilities and wonder when the world will finally see through your feigned attempts to brush over inadequacies.... I remember Padraig O'Morain's article about just this topic - The Common Experience of Feeling Like an Imposter... but if you knew that the low self esteem and consequent fear of rejection and failure are not necessarily detrimental to your ability to success, then you can go on and feel them in... comfort, I guess.

Those "kicks in the face", thanks Maura for the terminology, that we struggling writers are constantly on the receiving end of, must feel like... generous helpings of praise? How does that work?

I suppose having blind faith in an ability that may not exist can lead to embarrassing outcomes. That must be the reason for those deluded people who enter The X Factor, Pop Idol, or You're a Star, singing completely out of tune. I always wondered what was going on there...



I suppose just because you think you are good at something, doesn't necessarily make it true, but how much happier would you be if you had blind ignorance :)